Thank you for any comments! They are greatly appreciated! :)
The Rim
Itchy black hat shields my vision
Forcing my eyes to drag a cursory glance Traveling
Up Tan Cargo Pants Drinking
In Blue and White Plaid Wincing
As even teeth
glint
Dimples Wink At
Mine Until
I meet eyes that echo
The
Shout in mine
“Beautiful!”
Botticelli’s Venus Locks cushion
My hearing
Of Sound Waves Of
Rich laughter, Strong
Voice Rippling
Toward pink conch
shell ears
“Who are you?”
An ill-fitting uniform disguises My
Full body blush
As each inch of naked skin feels another As
Long slim fingers that mirror mine Caress
The dimples on my back Four
High tops sloppily kiss As
We twirl in our
friendly embrace
“It’s nice to see you
again…”
Imported Coffee beans Perfume
Masking my nervous sweat
Smelling instead Chai
Tea Lattes,
Americanos Nuzzling
My neck for a caffeine fix
“Take a shot with me…”
My brain houses Neruda,
Cady-Stanton
Whispering of Self-Sufficiency and Romance Down
A synapse, Marvin’s singing “Only love can conquer hate…” Phobos
Freezes time in Neruda’s room:
Always Half-past a Break Up and a Quarter to Giving Up
Smoothing out my white shirt, blue coat I
Order A Carmel Macchiato
with
One ice cube in it Milk
Steams screeching Distracting
Dull textbook reading Familiar
Chucks greet my cursory glance Dragging
Up to eyes that echo
the whisper in mine
“Beautifully Flawed…”
“Its nice to see you again…” Marvin’s crooning
“I’ve been trying to fight this feeling for so long…” The
Ice cube melts…Kissing
The rim…
oh ashley, i REALLY like this! I like the way you did the capitalizing on the ends of some of the lines, it communicates an awkwardness and slightly off-kilter vibe, which fits perfectly with the subject of the poem, and the whole thing just works so well! I read it several times.
ReplyDeleteThat is quite a compliment coming from you! Thank you so much! You always make me feel so great about my writing! :D
Deleteawww! well, the admiration runs both ways, then! %^)
DeleteShe is right. At first I wasn't quite sure what to think, even though I loved the lines. Now that she mentioned it, it's true. You really take your reader on that experience with you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Casey! I really appreciate the feedback! :D
DeleteAgree with Barb and Casey on this one… love how you capture a dizzy moment.. the full richness of it. I'm still contemplating the title… I'd brainstorm about 30 titles… :)
ReplyDeleteGood work, Ashley !