This was an old poem I found that I have been working with for a while. I just don't know what to do with it. I need a fresh perspective.
Gandalf's Leave
I saw the birth of man
I saw many devious plans
I saw the rebellion of the molder
I saw the fall of Numinor
I saw too much in my long life
But as my last day came
I couldn’t help feel pain
Along with my gratitude
Faces change my mood
You’d think I’d be used to this
But this was different
My life had a dent
Knowing my departure
There‘s no greater torture
It was between fate and friends
The ship was waiting
And light was fading
Vaire has woven my time
She did her best with mine
The Sand scratched between my toes
I shook my feet and winced
As I gazed at a distance
looked back at the Halfling
He was ready to leave
With a Pretending expression
He got what he should receive
A much needed reprieve
The long retirement of immortals
I dare say I was impressed
For such a deadly quest
Was even too much for me
His eyes were on the sea
Even now, fire still burned in him
Unto the undying lands
It was no longer in my hands
Saraman was long gone
And this was my final song
My existence was no longer needed
Disgust welled inside me
It was so very hard to breath
The wind was soft and cool
I was naive, Yes, I was a fool
Life was…, Curdan released the ship
I sang my goodbyes
With joy in my eyes
As the ancient cities died
The ship moved, I sighed
I was no longer serving, it was over!
It's great to see people still posting! This is great, I've been reading Tolkien on and off this summer, but nothing on what happens after the ring is destroyed. This is cool, nice after thought about it. Gandalf is awesome! Keep your fingers crossed that they make a movie out of The Simarillion!
ReplyDeleteYes definitely. Although I am almost afraid of what they will do to it. They destroyed the Hobbit in my opinion. Anyway, nice to see people still reading. I have been so busy this summer, and haven't been able to write much. I haven't read the books in a while, but yeah I am a LOTR nerd.
ReplyDeleteHey Casey, I really like this! This is such a wonderful homage to this scene. I haven't had the pleasure to read the books, but that ending was unforgettable. I do have a few small suggestions below. I hope this helps!
ReplyDeleteGandalf's Leave
In my long life,
I saw the birth of man
I saw many devious plans
I saw the rebellion of the molder
I saw the fall of Numinor
The Sand scratches between my toes
Vaire has woven my time
She did her best with mine
But there‘s no greater torture
In departure
Than to choose between fate and friends
Shaking my feet and wincing
As I gaze at a distance
Looking back at the Halfling
He’s ready to leave
With a Pretending expression
The ship is waiting
And light’s fading
His eyes are on the sea
Even now, fire still burns in him
My existence is no longer needed
Unto the undying lands
It’s no longer in my hands
Saramon’s long gone
This is my final song
Life was… Curdan releases the ship.
Disgust wells inside me
It’s hard to breath
The wind was soft and cool
I’ve been such a fool
I sing my goodbyes
With joy in my eyes
As the ancient cities die
The ship moves, I sigh
My breath is release to the tide
Reprieve from the burden of immortality has arrived--
Finally, Bound for Serenity.
Thank you so much. You are right, the ending was very uncomfortable. I really like that direction. Thank you. Now I see what I must do to revise. MUahahaha! llol
ReplyDelete