Three Minutes to Madness: Descending into Panic
It comes on subtly…
The changes in my breathing patterns and heart beats…
Tension is palpable
And Pressure is splintering my confidence
Panic oozes in…
An almost Acidic Attack on my nervous system
Tarring my feet in place
Picturing hen feathers down to meet them
I wrench away from the source of my fear.
“I’m sorry” becomes my mantra
It falls from my lips
Synchronizing with each twitch of my hands
A Wallpaper of Eyes?
No, justCurious wallflowers melting with the darkness in the hall
Door Hinges kavetch about my entrance
The knob is trying to dig a grave in my lower back.
My ears are U booms
Amplifying the cacophony of stalled words and quick puffs of air…
Memories of Failure swirl in a hurricane of emotions
The pieces of shredded 5th grade report card
And the Ashes of unrequited affections
Are scattered everywhere.
Even with A’s stitched into my membrane
And full urns placed in the crawlspace of my mind
The handprints are still tattooed on my neck.
My Vitriolic Temper poisons me with the Truth:
I’ll always be my Father’s Daughter.
An Elephant is sitting on my chest…
Obliterating clear thinking.
It’s me. It’s always me
Causing Heart to Pound Ribcage relentlessly
And Room to emulate Wonderland Teacups.
Death swaggers over, advertising his scythe boxers.
If I had known, my room would not be in its current state:
Rough Drafts of Last week’s piece carpeting the floor
My crinkled bed Sheets resembling empty peppermint wrappers
Of course my mom will leave it untouched
Parents always do
But she could at least hide my Rainbow Sock Monkey…
Slob will be the word of the day,
Entering every conversation
Lying in the shadows of my funeral
Stinking it up like a crematorium
Just please don’t put me in that awful pi—
Oh
Arms…
These Are Arms…
Of an Anchor?
Frayed thread fingers lace in a knot around me.
Familiar Cadence
Voices concern,
But I can barely make out the words, “What Happened?”
From the One Sided windows in here…
I don’t have the strength for an interrogation, but
Love is a surgeon
Extracting the gas hose pumping adrenaline into cerulean veins
Self Examination is a traffic cam
Recording when a myriad of Thoughts were speeding through crackling synapses
And two stray hot heads decided to race…
Eventually colliding
Security is a Cop
Redirecting a long metal caterpillar of traffic away from the horrific shrapnel masterpiece
My mind is rich with imagination
Yet Destitute of logic
It conjured up a Dementor… sucking on my soul like a ring pop.
“ Expecto Patronus!”
Translation:
Formulate an explanation.
“A panic attack is an occurrence when the relationship between sanity and mind separate
Teetering precariously between divorce and marriage throughout its duration”
Face, Pull down the shutters…
I have nothing more to say.
Repayment/For the Expecto Patronus is my favorite part of the Harry Potter reference at the end, near-rhyme with an interesting rhythm.
ReplyDeleteThis seems to be one of those poems that's really personal to the author, in the sense that the reader probably won't understand exactly what's being conveyed (at least I don't on the first read) but there's still a lot of abstract symbols and original imagery that I enjoy.
"Mediation...Futile" is another line that stuck out to me. Futile Meditation would be an interesting title. Overall, I like this poem!
Ashley, I really respect this experiment. I've copied down my favorite parts below—feels like the core of the poem somehow. Happy to talk to you about it in person at some point.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work. —kw
I'm sorry,
(Is that my name?)
Did they redecorate?
With a wallpaper of Eyes?
Why are they following me?
I'm fine.
I'm just fine.
"HMMPH! HMMPH!"
Cacophony translation:
"STOP STARING AT ME!!"
It's my fault, really...
Everyone knows Eyeballs don't have ears.
Just keep on.
Failure not an option.
Failure littering your Report cards, remember?
A's stitched into membrane,
But you can't escape it...
You'll ALWAYS be your Father's daughter.
Punished from both sides...
Mediation...Futile
Heart, what did Ribcage do to earn such a relentless pounding?
Room, Room, why are you spinning?
there is an Elephant on my chest
Obliterating ...clear thinking.
Shrapnel Ribcage's
popping my balloon lungs...
Oxygen denied.
Lights flicker between spots of Darkness...
Relief from some eyes' Trained stare.
Death is not known for His politeness.
My room's a mess...
Great.
Slob
Will stink it up like a crematorium.
"What happened?"
Hot Heads on a dirt road.
Repayment
For the Expecto Patronus
Aimed at the conjured Dementor
Is required.
between Divorce and Marriage during it's duration.
Body, pull down the shutters...
I have nothing more to say
Hi guys! I just wanted to thank you for your feedback... It inspired me to make some changes, and hopefully improve it. It is a very hard topic to write about, because you are so disconnected at the time of a panic attack. I just wanted to bring some awareness to the issue, and maybe take some power away from it by writing it down. I will be replacing this rough draft with the updated version... So If you'd like take another look, you're more than welcome. :)
ReplyDelete